| A little belated but... |
[Apr. 1st, 2006|11:38 pm] |
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The UNSEEN and The Casualities are freaking AWESOME!!!!! and I'm not even a punk...anyhow that is all for now....have fun! |
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| I'm sorry |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|09:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tv | ] |
I'm sorry...I don't know...I don't know what is going on...I don't know who I am to everyone...and I know that...I am hurting you every time I start to talk with you more...something I should stay away from simply to keep you from hurting more than you do...and for that I am sorry...you should just walk away from me...its the best thing for you...but then again we have a tough time giving up on people... |
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| Why do I post? |
[Feb. 4th, 2006|02:08 am] |
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I have many things running through my head...none of which I shall post at the moment... |
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| One of the best songs ever |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|02:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cold - Evans Blue | ] |
Evans Blue - Cold (But I'm still here)
Hello, I'm your martyr, will you be my gangster
can you feel my trigger hand, moving further down your back
when you hide, hide inside that body
but just remember that when I touch you
the more you shake, the more you give away
cold, but I'm still here, blind, ‘cause I'm so blind, say never
we're far from comfortable this time
cold, now we're so cold, mine, and you're not mine, say never
we’re far from obvious this time
wait, another minute here, time will kill us after all
now can you feel its second hand wrapped around your neck
so fall into my eyes and fall into my lies
but don’t you forget
the more you turn away, the more I want you to stay
cold, but I'm still here, blind, ‘cause I'm so blind, say never
we're far from comfortable this time
cold, now we're so cold, mine, and you're not mine, say never
we’re far from obvious this time
you’re so endearing, you’re so beautiful,
well I don’t look like they do, and I don’t love like they do
but I don’t hate like they do
am I ever on your mind?
cold, but I'm still here, blind, ‘cause I'm so blind, say never
we're far from comfortable this time
cold, now we're so cold, mine, and you're not mine, say never
we’re far from obvious this time
COLD, you broke me from the very first night
I'd love you ‘til the day that I die
we're far too comfortable this time
COLD, I loved you from the very first night
you broke me ‘til the day that I die
I'm far too obvious this time |
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| Words of a drunken fool...who wasn't drunk so that makes them a... |
[Jan. 29th, 2006|08:50 pm] |
You know, it's such a strange coincidence that I always hear from you just as something really good happens for me. I feel as though a part of me is being haunted by my past. Are you haunting me, David?
I am sorry that your relationship with Lauren didn't work out. I don't know enough about that relationship so I have nothing to say really, except that I am sincerely sorry for you. I know that it can be painful when your hopes come to a grinding halt. But I'm even more sorry to hear that Lauren is gay. God did not intend for her to be that way. She will be in my prayers.
Well, let's see. Am I ready to be your friend? Hm... Well, that depends on what type of friend you intend to be. Will you be a true friend? I guess I'll have to take that risk, huh?
Today, I learned that much grace has been given me, and that I too have many blessings that I don't deserve. This is why I will try to be a friend to you. Understand that when I become a friend, I aim to be a reall one. I will try to impact your life in a good way. My hope is that God will bless you and bring you back to where you were before your relationship with me messed up the relationship you had with Him. I'm not strong enough to do this, but I know that God is. I can only keep our friendship at a certain level. Please understand that I don't fully know you anymore. I ask that we keep our communication limited to emails. I guess I need time to see if your intentions for friendship is genuine and safe.
You see, something really good has happened just yesterday. I'm engaged. So, understand that I am taking a serious risk in letting you back in my life, even as just a friend. I only hope to heal the past hurts you and I have with each other. I have moved on, I would like to see you do the same.
God bless you. |
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| This spoke to me... |
[Jan. 29th, 2006|08:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bring me to life | ] |
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up |
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| The Focus of My Life |
[Jan. 28th, 2006|07:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Daniel Powter - Bad Day | ] |
The past couple days haven't necessairly been bad, however they have forced me to think and rethink my positions on many different issues surrounding my life. Certain people have been brought sharply into my focuse and while that is a harsh focus to be in at times, it is always a caring one to be in. Lauren, obviously has been in that focus for sometime, and she continues to play a central role in my life, simply because she needs a person to lean on with the events she is facing in her life. Do I feel sorry for her, no, she will be fine and what happenes between "us" is water under the brige at this point in time. Would I ever date her again, there does exist a small chance that I would in the future but as of right now, not a chance.
Then there is you. What am I to say about you that I haven't already told you? I do care for you, and given different circumstances, I wouldn't ever leave your side, but I can't do that right now. That being said, I am not going to sit still and not live my life or attempt the things that believe I need to do. I wish I could let you see things through my eyes even if it was only for a moment, just to let you see the world as I do, sadly that is only a wish. Being able to change the things you have the power to change is great. Trying to change the things you know need to change but don't have the power to do so is pointless, and only hurts you. It is something I learned while I was in high school. |
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| just some thoughts |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|01:55 am] |
The Best Part of Belief is the Lie
Looking back on things as I’ve seen them, I can’t help but feel sorry for many things and people who’ve had the opportunity, shall we say, to meet and interact with me. The majority of them remain to this day convinced that I am some type of person worth loving, which I know to be the exact opposite of whom I truly am. Yet, at the same point in time I still look for new people to fall victim to my abilities of charm, charm not being the correct word which at the moment escapes my thoughts. Just goes to show I haven’t thought in this manner in some time, I have been hiding from the very essence of whom I am and whom I should become.
Whom should I become? A story I must invariably contemplate and eventually write down. It seems almost wrong though to begin writing a new story before I have fully finished thinking out the current one, much less finish writing it, which I haven’t even started. Strange the uneasiness people feel around uncertainty, it is as if they are insecure of themselves when they have nothing to fear. Xenophobia is a human trait I will never quite understand because if you are truly confident and believe yourself to be competent in life then why fear the unknown? Perhaps too many of my fellow humans will never quite believe themselves well enough to take on more than is forced upon them by their obligations. Obligations they cling to as if they were life itself, something I do myself yet cannot understand. Structured life is life but in what sense of the word? Life is not something that can be kept within a definition, however, it can be explained by what it is not.
Life is not waking up talking to your spouse over coffee, getting dressed, commuting to work, ‘making’ it through the work day, and coming home to do it all over again, day after day, year after year until your death. It is not sleeping your days away waiting for the afterlife to make you happy. Happiness is not essential to life and does not necessarily make it more enjoyable. A growing number of people in American society are unable to cope with happiness. I am, myself in that category although I fell into it without knowing of its existence until then. While the nurture aspect of the nature v. nurture debate is given a much overstated case of bad publicity, I will still add my inability to be happy to its wrap sheet.
People do not understand that life is never quite what it seems it should be, or move the way it does. Existing is what the vast majority of people in America do, I speak only of America simply because it is one of the few nations I know of that people have the ability to do more than merely exist. I hate the people who willingly refuse to attempt to live, and choose to believe that the mundane events they believe are parties and ‘good’ times will lead to life. Life is so simple to understand and yet extraordinarily difficult to explain to most people. I spoke with a friend last night about this very subject and told her I cannot understand how people who see things going wrong in their lives and refuse to attempt change. They walk down the very path their parents did twenty or thirty years before them, and are ‘depressed’ by the way their life unfolds.
Which is more correct to pity a person or to envy them? I am almost envious of the majority of people simply for their blissful ignorance of the surrounding world. Yet, at the same moment I am moved to feel as though they do not deserve to have their bliss destroyed by the truth they so desperately run from.
The need to seem important or ‘cool’ in front of complete strangers something the majority of people do in groups without even realizing it. I love to watch peoples’ behavior and the facts which present themselves are astounding to say the least. The changes in behavior when larger numbers of people are present as opposed to smaller groups is amazing. The smaller the group the closer you get to seeing the true nature of a person. In order to see the true nature of a person one must either observe the subject without its knowledge or to have the ability to see within the persons emotions and thoughts through their actions.
Observations through actions are definitely fallible conclusions or inferences that are drawn by humans which have fallacy built into their very essence. But that is what makes them all the better to survey and study their own kind, we know what mistakes we typically tend to fall victim to. Thus, we can account for that, the assumption being made that the surveyor will be able to see the faults in themselves and allow for corrections. This is a large assumption, and mistakes will be made simply because it is in human nature to foul things up, to allow emotions to get in the way. It takes either a person with no emotions to evaluate others without compassion to rule out the use of rationalization. Or it takes a person so compassionate to the subjects that the rationalization is not considered an option because it merely makes the situation more perilous because it prolongs the problems by explaining them away. Such is the case with people like Paul Farmer and the Haitians, he is incredibly sympathetic to them that he no longer cares why they are in abject poverty, literally starving to death as each day passes in their lean to shacks, that he simply wants to better their lives in some way. Similar cases can be made for many different races of people and many different benefactors that they are too numerous to mention all of them, merely observe the ‘good’ people around you they make themselves apparent through their actions. What makes a person ‘good?’ That is a question worth answering but unfortunately it is a much more drawn out answer than merely rambling philosophical thoughts out. A question I must take up soon, although the in the words of my ethics professor ‘The questions always come much easier than the answers do.’ |
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| what's going on...? |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|02:16 pm] |
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I am torn between caring for someone...and completely disavowing any knowledge of them...it was good, and then went sour really fast...I don't care about not being together...I just want to know if I am being played like an instrument or if I am getting the whole truth...for that will need a talk and I don't know when I will get one from her.....anymore it makes me wonder why I love people in the first place... |
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| FYI... |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|02:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | computer hum.... | ] |
just wanted to let you know I was ok....seeing as how I don't talk to you much anymore...or see you for that matter...and for that I am sorry....night...sleep sweet...and I hope you know who you are... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2005|11:53 pm] |
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I hate Christmas...but I hope everybody has a wonderful one...I am going to a movie sometime tomorrow if anybody cares to join me...give me a call...have more to update but I don't feel like typing...it sucks... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2005|11:12 pm] |
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too much going on....update when I don't have to be at work in about 5 hours... |
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| tattoos |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|04:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mr. Jones - Counting Crows | ] |
well...I got them...and they look great....but I will sleep now....oh and Happy Birthday on this date in 83 to me... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|12:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I'm not okay (I promise) - mcr | ] |
sometimes.....the internet sucks....I wish I knew if I did something wrong or "creepy" but I don't so I can try and catch her at work to say sorry...not even on a good day can I keep up with her... |
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| funny |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|12:03 pm] |
I am 42% Promiscuous. Sure I have had sex, but what's the big deal? I find it as a chore to keep my realtionship balanced. But if I had a choice, I'd rather watch TV or paint dry. |
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| Poor, poor, raisins.... |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|09:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  devious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | swing life away - RISE AGAINST | ] |
Raisin Fires
Q: Please tell me why my raisins that fall into the bottom of the toaster catch on fire.
Thank you very much.
– Pam
A: Pam, contrary to popular belief, raisins do not “fall” into the bottom of the toaster. The unpleasant truth of the matter is that they jump.
With crazed resolve, they willfully meet their fiery demise to dramatically demonstrate their outrage at the social injustices that take place on a daily basis within a slice of toast. You see, a slice of toast is actually an extremely complex socio-economic environment, complete with a hierarchical social system, political corruption, private monopolies, budget deficits, inflation, and unemployment. Bread has many diverse ingredients working with each other and against each other, forming coalitions and rivalries - a chaotic system that inevitably swings periodically to either end of the political spectrum. Indeed, a slice of toast is not unlike modern American society.
A number of recent events are responsible for particularly heating up (no pun intended) the current social climate of toast. In one well-publicized incident that was captured on videotape, an innocent raisin was driving through a mostly wheat neighborhood, when police stopped him and beat him senseless. (Granted, he was already a raisin so he didn’t look too different afterwards.) Outraged raisins throughout the entire slice rioted, leaving a charred hulk of a once-proud slice.
In an unrelated incident, violence broke out in a slice of Oat Nut bread. Some Quakers were minding their own business when the local skinhead Almonds began taunting them. The Quakers were steamed, and the Almonds eventually went nuts, beating the Quakers to a pulp. When the dust settled, all that remained was a rather tasty porridge.
So to make a long story short, raisins have always been the most politically active of the ingredients in a slice of toast. They feel they have exhausted all other options for bringing about social change in their particular slice of the world, so they illustrate their passion by throwing themselves to the fate that awaits them in the dark and crumby recesses at the bottom of the toaster.
Hmmm, on a second reading it looks like your question is actually why do they catch fire, not why do they fall. Well, I would guess that’s because toasters are very, very hot.
– Dr. Toast |
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| Maybe I should be scared of those strange women I meet... |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|06:36 pm] |
Jury Rules Against Woman in Genital Gluing
Sat Nov 5, 6:06 AM ET
A Westmoreland County jury on Friday ordered a woman to pay $46,200 to her ex-boyfriend for gluing his genitals to his abdomen.
Jurors found in favor of Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh in his civil case against Gail O'Toole of Murrysville after three days of testimony and ordered the payment for pain, suffering and emotional distress, according to television station KDKA.
"For all the pain and suffering I've been through, and the embarrassment, I don't think it's enough," Slaby told reporters after the verdict.
Slaby's lawsuit said the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months, and he began dating someone else. After he broke up with his other girlfriend, Slaby said, O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep.
He said he woke up to find that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.
Slaby said O'Toole told him that her actions were payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. He pressed charges and O'Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and spent six months on probation.
But O'Toole's attorney contended that the incident was nothing more than part of the couple's adventurous, consensual sex. |
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| Friends |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|06:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | starbuck's noise | ] |
what should and shouldn't be said no longer matters...anger suddenly removed from the tide of emotions applied to her just because she came clean. time heals all wounds, allows people to learn one another, and is the greatest of teachers...unfortunately it kills everyone it comes in contact with...this was intended to be a much longer post as I have a ton of ideas swirling in my head but I am hungry and I have coffee just the right temperature for drinking by my side...the only thing missing, like always is someone to share this moment with...c'est la vive |
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| Today |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|07:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
Well, I got my review from my store on Monday and it went well, I was rated a 20 which is the highest you can be rated. I got my review from my trainers today and it went well, but gave me something to work on. Not sure what I should expect in the near future but I have a bunch of people expecting me to get to Store Director level at least. |
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